As a long time resident, and driver, of the Emirates, I have a 29 years PhD in observing the antics of drivers on the road. Being from Pakistan, where we do not drive on the left or the right side of the road but bang in the middle, driving in the UAE was, initially, a challenge. Since then I have graduated to knowing I am on the right side of the road, though not sure if I know which lane I am supposed to be in. My son believes in the next 29 years I will figure that out, but may be too blind by then to be able to know if I am in the drivers seat or the passenger seat.
However, not being a great driver, does not mean I do not observe others, and this gives me great comfort because compared to them I am perfect. Yes perfect.
Here are somethings I noticed.
1. Cars sold to some UAE national drivers have the accelerator on the dashboard which explains why they put one foot on the dashboard.
2. Lebanese women driving need four mirrors on the inside so they can adjust their make up every ten meters.
3. In UAE you see the most number of car accidents involving only a single car.
4. The speed lane is also for cars traveling at 60 Kph.
5. We have to remind the drivers here that using your indicator does not run down your battery.
6. Even the police cars do not know how to use the hazard lights. (You only use them when the car is stationary, in the UAE you use them whenever you want..)
7. Changing lanes is part of your high speed chase practice and must be performed in rush hour.
8. Traffic lights are optional.
9. Driving with you four year child in the front seat with no seat belt is to prepare him for a career in head butting.
Some of the reasons I heard from drivers for having accidents.
1. The pedestrian hit me and decided to go under my car.
2. I was not my fault it was a stationary truck coming the other way.
3. An invisible car came around the corner hit my car and disappeared.
4. A short man in a small car with a big mouth caused the crash.
5. I am color blind. I swear the traffic light was not red.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Bankers + Greedy Buyers = Innovation gone wrong
I have lived in the world of finance for most of my working life, and when I quit banking I could still look at it with a humorous bent, not something everyone would like. Ofcourse the oldest dictum remains that banks want to lend when you do not need their money and avoid you when you do need them. However, they also have an amazing panache' to invent financial products. So much so there was a phase of financial engineering that consumed Wall Street (and every other street where banks were) resulting in Interest Only securities and Principal only securities (splitting the revenues streams) and ofcourse hedge funds which were never really hedged.
The property boom of the past decade also brought out their own set of fun innovations. When the concept of selling 'off plan' apartments emerged the idea of buying a 'hole in the air' caught on. A well known journalist friend of mine told me of how he went to a dinner and found he and another guest were the only two people in the room who did not own 'a hole in the air'. The fact that everyone in the room proudly talked of this 'hole in the air' that each owned made his friend feel out of place and sure enough some months the journalists friend also proudly owned a hole in the air.
How did it all happen? Well you selected a 'developer' who was smart on marketing ideas and images and he sold you a hole in the air with one two or three bedrooms and views to die for. You then went to a banker who ofcourse had more money than Carter has pills, and the banker suggested he can lend you 90% of the value of the hole in the air. Ofcourse you asked him for the balance 10% as you didn't have it, and indeed the banker said no problem for the 90% we create a mortgage on the air where your home will be and for the balance 10% we give you a personal loan. Presto! were it not for our banker friends how would we own these lovely well designed holes in the air.
Then a few months later you met someone else and decided he needed your hole in the air badly enough to offer you more than you paid, and guess what? His banker was also willing to lend him in the same way to buy the hole in the air. Thus the cycle of trading holes in the air was born and happy bankers got their fat bonuses for the business they brought, and the developer got his hole in the air sold and the whole cycle of 'success' started. When the hole in the air never became anything but the hole in the air suddenly the notions of all these holes in the air on the balance sheets of banks became issue.
The moral of the story ofcourse a greedy banker plus a greedy buyer and a developer who does not know how to build a hole in the air do not all make good bedfellows...
The property boom of the past decade also brought out their own set of fun innovations. When the concept of selling 'off plan' apartments emerged the idea of buying a 'hole in the air' caught on. A well known journalist friend of mine told me of how he went to a dinner and found he and another guest were the only two people in the room who did not own 'a hole in the air'. The fact that everyone in the room proudly talked of this 'hole in the air' that each owned made his friend feel out of place and sure enough some months the journalists friend also proudly owned a hole in the air.
How did it all happen? Well you selected a 'developer' who was smart on marketing ideas and images and he sold you a hole in the air with one two or three bedrooms and views to die for. You then went to a banker who ofcourse had more money than Carter has pills, and the banker suggested he can lend you 90% of the value of the hole in the air. Ofcourse you asked him for the balance 10% as you didn't have it, and indeed the banker said no problem for the 90% we create a mortgage on the air where your home will be and for the balance 10% we give you a personal loan. Presto! were it not for our banker friends how would we own these lovely well designed holes in the air.
Then a few months later you met someone else and decided he needed your hole in the air badly enough to offer you more than you paid, and guess what? His banker was also willing to lend him in the same way to buy the hole in the air. Thus the cycle of trading holes in the air was born and happy bankers got their fat bonuses for the business they brought, and the developer got his hole in the air sold and the whole cycle of 'success' started. When the hole in the air never became anything but the hole in the air suddenly the notions of all these holes in the air on the balance sheets of banks became issue.
The moral of the story ofcourse a greedy banker plus a greedy buyer and a developer who does not know how to build a hole in the air do not all make good bedfellows...
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